Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
