my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
