it hurts more in the daytime
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
is wine microwaveable?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
