The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The uberlube is also flammable
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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