Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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