you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
