Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
