I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
