I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
