I just threw up on my dentist
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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