how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
