Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
