you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
