i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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