Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
