some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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