He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
