He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize