I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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