im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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