Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
