You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
