I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
