he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
