the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
