yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
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He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
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Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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