Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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