I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
