I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
