you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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