batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
