I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
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The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
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This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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