just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
