so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
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apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
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walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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