Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
