it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
