What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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