just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
