I smell stomach acid.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
