sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
