Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
