i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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