I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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