Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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