he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
porn star boner night. come get it.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
