just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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