who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
