maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
