well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
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