i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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