he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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