How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize