I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
