Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
