Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize